Note: Please read part 1 first @ https://holidayhealings.com/2018/03/10/who-is-to-blame-part-1/
Prerna opened the envelope. As she opened the envelope, a picture fell out. She saw the picture and placed it inside the envelope. Then, she started reading the letter.
I couldn’t think of gifting you something worldly. So, I am gifting you the truth.
I don’t know if Rajeev ever had the courage to tell you the truth. Whether he did or not, I would like you to know my end of the story. The person you are with today has been with me for the past five years. You might be thinking, then what happened? How did I let him go so easily? Well, I still haven’t. It is not that easy. One year ago, I used to be a girl who wanted to live without any compromise. I used to think that life with him would be great. I was happy to finally have a man who understands me and loves me.
Then, about 10 months ago news came that his mother is sick and needs help. I asked Rajeev to hire a nurse for her care. However, as it turns out it is a sin to pay for a nurse when you have a 26 year old son who can get you a ‘bride nurse’ for free.
Love makes you take stupid decisions. I couldn’t handle the idea of losing him. So, I asked him to marry me and have his mother moved in with us. But, apparently I was overqualified to marry him. I was a city girl and an year older than him. I was a girl who wouldn’t leave her job to move to the village. I wasn’t a suitable candidate.
If you’re thinking, he didn’t fight for me, he did, but apparently these worldly affairs are stronger than our love.
You know he will return to Pune next week to rejoin work and you will be stuck here at home. And I know someone in your neighborhood will eventually mention my name. If it gives you any relaxation, I want you to know that you don’t need to bother your mind with thoughts of me with him. It’s not that everything is over for me but I see a new boundary building around me. If you’re wondering, who is building it? It is me. I always thought of myself as a carefree girl. I used to kid around with Rajeev that I would have an extra marital affair with him even if he gets married to someone else. However, as it turns out I do care. I care about the gossip that went around, “Look at her. She is still being close to him, knowing he is getting married soon.” So, I decided to stay away and keep my distance. I have even started to apply for other jobs.
If you’re thinking I am blaming you of seizing him from me, I am not. Now that he is married, I am also being forced at my home to tie the knot. After sometime, if you happen to see my happy pictures roaming around Europe, posing stupidly, don’t get the idea that I have had it all. Remember like you might have choked at some point today, maybe I did too. Since, I am a so called ‘modern girl’, maybe I will get drunk enough to make myself numb and to forget the thoughts that have been grabbing my throat and suffocating me all the while. Remember, I will be building a new prison for me. Slowly, building one bar daily and I would love it. Eventually, one day you will love your prison too. Which architect doesn’t love his creations? We will be the perfect actors, maybe so perfect that we won’t even realize that we once wanted our life to be different. We will be so involved in the role-plays that the real us will get far away, locked somewhere between illusion and reality, only returning to haunt us in our worst nightmares.
The final question that still remains is “Who is to blame”? Who is the one master of this acting school? Who holds the key to our prisons? Few months ago, when I was furious and shaken to my core, I was blaming all the mothers. Your mother, my mother, Rajeev’s mother. I thought how they can put our lives at stake, just so they can get the approval of being the perfect mother. I researched and found that there are still many places in India, where there is a frown on the mother’s face when a girl is born and a relieving smile when it’s a boy. Is it a frown because she might have to sacrifice her girl for the world? Is it a smile because she knows that the boy would happily sacrifice all his loves for the first woman he ever loved? Whatever it is, I decided to kill all my motherly instincts, so I could put my child before than the world. Then my rage cooled off and I realized I still haven’t caught the main culprit. It is indeed a painful thought for a mother to raise a child telling him he can have whatever he wants and then eventually training him later to become an actor in his own life. Blaming the mothers was easy but they are not to be blamed. They are not doing this because this is acceptable to them. They are doing this because this way we are more acceptable to the world. Consciously or unconsciously, they are trying us to protect from something which has victimized them all the time.
For my life, I am taking the blame on me because life always gives us choices. One goes with the ways of the world and the other one has no specific path. It is up to me to explore and build that path. But, it is risky, it involves rebellion, it involves courage, it involves fight and it involves wounds. So, we tend to choose the usual path of the world, safe, known, experimented and applied. Whichever path we take, the choice is ultimately ours. It is ours choice to show our real face or to wear the mask. It is our choice to be the lamb living in a group, in luxury of a home or be the wolf living alone, exploring the forest.
Anyway, I will not take more of your time. I just wanted to let you know if you ever happened to change your choice, feel free to ring me up and I will try to break my prison bars to help you out. And, please don’t think of me as a stalker but I needed to look up the girl Rajeev was getting married to. So, I searched you on Facebook, you were hard to find but after some efforts I found you and I found a fierce picture of you playing basketball. I have sent you the same picture. I want you to get this framed and put it on your bedside, so you would look at her every now and then just to realize you are not the person you are pretending to be. I know it’s painful but it is better to live in pain than in denial.
In the end, I won’t wish you the clichéd ‘Have a Happy married life’ but I wish you all the courage you need to break down your prisons to get a little closer to yourself every day.
With best wishes,
Prerna handed the letter to Rajeev and looked at the picture. Then, she said nothing and went to the bathroom with the picture in her hand. She stood in front of the mirror and asked herself if she can really be rescued from this situation? Can she really run away and escape from this marriage? She closed her eyes and started imagining her life if she ran away. To her horror, she saw the villagers cursing her dad, their house on fire and her mother sitting on the road crying. She opened her eyes. This time she couldn’t hold her tears and they came rolling down her cheeks. She knew she cannot run. So, she took a deep breath and tore the picture into pieces. She wiped her tears and went inside. She placed the torn pieces of the picture in the envelope and said,” Rajeev ji, please return this to Rashmi and tell her that I am happy and not require her help. “
Rajeev just stared at her.
Prerna: “She might be your past but I am your present and I am your wife. So, you better stay away from her. It is my husband’s job to help me and keep me happy not hers.”
Rajeev: “I know. Just calm down and sit over here.”
Prerna: “In a moment”
She smiled and then took off the t-shirt she was wearing. Then she went closer to him and said: “It is a husband’s job to make love to her wife.”
Thanks guys for your response in the part-1 of this post.
Do you think Prerna’s decision was right? Could she have made a better decision? Please post in the comments below.